18 things i'd tell my younger self

If I could go back and tell my younger self a few things, these are the ones I'd want her to know:

1. The only person you can truly rely on is yourself. Build a life where you know you will be okay, even when nobody else shows up. Have your own money. Your own interests. Your own little world.

2. Female friendships are non-negotiable. Be a girl's girl. Don't be the woman who tears another woman down to feel better about herself. Don't compete with women for attention, approval, or scraps of affection. There is enough room for all of us to win. Celebrate women. Stand by them. Protect your friendships. Have women in your life who will tell you the truth, hold your hand when things fall apart, and cheer for you when things go right.

3. Blood does not decide family. The people you choose, the people who show up, the people who love you without conditions. The people who love you, stand by you, and challenge you become more family than the people you're related to.

4. Don't expect fairness anywhere. The world is a pretty unfair place. Stop waiting for it to reward you because you deserve it. Use every advantage you've been given. Make the most of what you have. And when life deals you a bad hand, figure out how to play it.

5. Travel extensively. Read voraciously. Meet all kinds of people. Go somewhere that makes you uncomfortable. Eat food you've never heard of. Sit with people who don't think like you. Immerse yourself in cultures different from your own. The world is much bigger than the little bubble you were born into. The more of the world you experience, the harder it becomes to believe that your way is the only way.

6. Wonder. Ask silly questions. Ruffle some feathers. Have an opinion. Don't make yourself smaller just to be agreeable. Don't be afraid of being the person who asks the question everyone else was too afraid to ask.

7. Don't ever become rigid in your thinking. Your ego will make you want to be right. Fight it. You will be wrong. Be open to new ideas. Change your mind when you need to. But don't be naive either. Question everything. Don't blindly accept what you're told and don't let yourself be easily influenced.

8. Take a lot of risks early. Make mistakes. Make them fast. Learn from them. Learn quickly. Move on. Don't spend your best years being so afraid of making the wrong decision that you never make a decision at all.

9. Fail often. And never let failure make you feel like you've lost. You haven't lost. You're learning. You're getting stronger. You're getting better. You are just getting started.

10. First impressions matter. Always present yourself in the best possible way. Be put together. Take pride in how you show up in the world. You don't get a second chance to make a first impression, and how you carry yourself tells people something before you've said a word.

11. Keep your mind and body healthy. Meditate. Exercise. Eat well at least 80% of the time. Take care of yourself. Your body is the only place you have to live for the rest of your life.

12. Find a sport and really get into it. Sport will teach you how to work in a team, how to lead, how to lose, how to operate under pressure, how to push through exhaustion, and how to keep going when you want to quit. These are life skills.

13. Take on a big challenge and finish it. No matter how difficult it gets. No matter how many times you fail. Finish it. Nothing comes close to the feeling of doing something you once thought you couldn't do. That feeling stays with you.

14. Build your own little world. Fill it with people you love, things you care about, places you want to see, and a life that is yours. Learn to be completely comfortable on your own. Live independently for a few years before making someone else the center of your life.

15. Have extremely high standards in relationships. You are a quality woman. Act like it. Don't shrink yourself. Don't contort yourself. Don't mould yourself into someone else's idea of who you should be just to keep them.

16. Never ignore early red flags because you're infatuated or in love. You may convince yourself that it isn't that bad. You may make excuses. You may believe they'll change. Don't. When the love and infatuation fade, reality is going to hit you hard in the face. Pay attention to who someone is when the honeymoon is over.

17. Never be scared or ashamed to walk away from an unhealthy relationship or marriage. It is not worth spending your precious time with someone who doesn't deserve you. Leaving is not failure. Staying somewhere that is destroying you because you're afraid to start over is not success.

18. Kiss a lot of frogs. But don't settle. You will meet the wrong people. You will make mistakes. You will get your heart broken. That's okay. Keep going until you find someone who treats you with love and respect. And when you do, make sure you treat them the same way.

And through all of it, remember this: you get one life. Don't spend it living scared.